I’m the first person to be annoyed when someone chastises me about better habits, negative thinking, etc…my inner b#%ch usually screams something about walking a mile in my shoes/does this person want a foot in their a$$/not all of us were born lucky, while I nod and smile politely.
However…there is something to be said for honest effort. There are a few things I need to change in my life:
1. My weight and general wellness
2. I need to organize my closets and cupboards/make my living space more efficient
3. I need to make more $$/have a healthier financial standing
4. I need to cook more and generally relax and stop holding my breath. I need to find time to just enjoy my life, which I’m not doing much of lately. I steal minutes from myself here and there while I mostly work myself to death.
5. I need to keep working to trust my gifts (I have had great success in this in the last year or so) and continue to just “see what I say” to build my clairvoyance and mediumship.
Building the habit of happiness will help me stay on track with shoring up the habits that will help me reach these goals. One of my main obstacles to success is what my mom used to diagnose as “lack of patience”–but as an adult, I see what she meant, and I see exactly what it is.
Sometimes I don’t believe in my power to make good things happen. I don’t believe in my own ability to change. This involuntary fear is depressing, and soul sucking, and it makes it hard for me to get up in the morning.
I have helped scores of people change their lives at this point through spiritual work, but I don’t believe in my own ability to change for the better. I don’t believe in my ability to do just about anything right, some days.
How screwed up is that? I have a whole book on deck about it. One time I was struggling to open this incredibly complex umbrella I borrowed (why why why would it have a hidden latch!?) while a security alarm counted down, and suddenly BAM I got it open and all was well. I literally just could not believe in my own ability to do this and was amazed when I figured it out.
To open an UMBRELLA.
Every time I successfully finish a spin class, I’m on top of the WORLD because I’m positive at the beginning that I will make a fool of myself and fall off the bike. However, 99% of the time I do not fall.
There is that one time I kicked my water bottle clear across the room, but that’s an anomaly.
My point is–I have a problem. I’ve had a problem for a long time: it’s called clinical depression and it doesn’t always go away. The generalized anxiety disorder did go away–and I thank my spirit guides every day that it’s gone and I have a new grip on life. I’m still depressed, though. I still feel like I can’t make a difference in my life or the world at large. I generally feel like I let literally everyone down every day, except for every now and then.
And I share this with you because so many people sit across from me at my desk at Willow or on video chat and tell me the same things I’m telling you here. But in them, I see the light of potential. I show them all of the paths their lives can take and what the potentials are for each choice.
And some of them come back to me, their light within shining, their lives changing because THEY made changes. I know it’s possible. I know it’s real. I see it every day.
My point is…what if it’s time for radical reassignment of who you are? I know it’s that time for me. I need to aggressively make these habits a priority, to plow through whatever used to stop me. Maybe I need to fully, unabashedly, powerfully believe in my ability to change myself and make an impact on the world, even if it’s just one more person. Maybe it’s time for me to believe in my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings, my own intellect, and bask in the love I show others while I amplify it outward.
One of the places to start is to document every day 3 things that I am happy for, and 3 things that I did this day that are remarkable and, also, how I’m feeling at that moment in time. I’m thinking this can’t hurt, it will take only a few minutes – really, the amount of time I’m usually spending watching pet videos on Facebook – and maybe it’s something I’ll be able to share with you all, along with my “Hearts Found in the Wild” photos you can see on my Instagram (@soul_unfold_tarot) and my Facebook (@soulunfold), which I may start sharing here as well.
There has been a wild Valkyrie living inside me for a long time, and I think she’s sick of the bullsh&$. She wants to be free, and I think I’m going to let her. I think I’ve known she’s been there for awhile and have neglected her.
After all this time, she may be what I’ve been seeking. It’s time to be the change I want to see.
In love and light,
Erica
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